"You...um...murdered my cat!!"

In honour of our movie day and the movie that never fails to make us laugh (keep in mind he's 12 years old):

"Dear Diary, today, I stole my best friend's parent's flying car and accidentally drove into a psychotic tree that decided we weren't welcome and thus, gave us our beatenz till it nearly killed us.

Dear Diary, I hear voices, so I decide to grope the walls. That's all.

Dear Diary, I swear to fuck, I didn't touch Mrs. Norris.

Dear Diary, so there was this snake in deuling club, right? And I was totally stoked cause this was gonna bring my talking to snakes total up to 2. But, you know, it was all up in this guy's grill so I was like, step back - I'm a professional. So I was like 'Hey, bra. You wanna step away or you want me to get my homeslice back in Burma to bring his crew up. I got connections, brap', and I swear, something was about to go off if Sexy Severus hadn't flamed him up.

Dear Diary, today, I lost all the bones in my left arm. I now have goop for an arm. Not fun. But now when Dumbledore walks into the room, I can blame the coincidental 'gay wave' on the lack of support in my arm.

Dear Diary, today, we made and drank some funky shit, turned into Crabbe and Goyle, poisoned them and stole their clothes. Life's good.

Dear Diary, today, I jumped into a sink and tried to have my memory wiped by my teacher, who failed abysmally and now has amnesia. After that, I found a fittie checkin' me out round the corner. Turns out he was really Voldemort and he wanted to kill me. I also think he raped Ginny a few times too. Bummer. Anyway, so I totally killed this wokoff Basilisk with Godric Griffindor's sword that suddenly appeared out of a hat and then got a ride on a Pheonix.

I think it's safe to say this year's been pretty rad."

♥