Reflecting, Sorry.

I had to kill a moth today. I cried. It was one of the worst things I've ever had to do in my life.

I poured water into the sink before seeing the moth. I didn't know what to do once I'd noticed it. I poked it and it's little wings fluttered and it started writhing about in pain. The sight was horrible. I asked my mum what to do and she said I'd have to flush it down the sink but I couldn't, cause I couldn't bring myself to kill it, but she was "watching something" so she wouldn't do it. I stared at it for a minute and saw it's wings flapping widly and it staggering in circles and obviously, the best thing for it was to flush it. So I did. It felt horrible.

It might sound lame and ridiculous that something like that could bring me to tears, but there's some things I am strongly opposed to and can't do and one of those things is killing things. I felt so disturbed that I was the one that brought the pain to it. I think, what made it worse was that that moth had been hanging round in my kitchen for the past day or so, so it was kinda like my kitchen moth. And I killed it.

Someone said to me, "Humans are born with an instinct to kill. I hate it myself, but it has to be done." I replied to this with the same thing I'd tell anyone, "Bugs don't harm me, they don't bother me, they're living their little buggy lives just like we live our little people lives, there's no need to kill one just because it's near you. I have a mosquito in my room right now & it's annoying the crap out of me, but I'm not gonna kill it just cause it's there and I'm not gonna use our 'instinct to kill' as an excuse either. We gain nothing from killing, only the sad satisfaction of feeling superior to other beings. Pointless, really."

I'm not pretending to be wise and knowledgeable about this and I'm definitley not preaching. Anyone who knows me knows the stance I take toward killing bugs for the sake of killing bugs. I did something today that I'm not comfortable with and it kinda fucking upset me. I'm not dwelling on it, but I'm definitley a little disturbed by it.

I learnt a lesson from this today; I'm always gonna check the sink before I start washing up.

Much love and peace.

Natalie.

♥