Thinking Time...uh-oh.

Quote of the day:
"You can only see as far as you think."

Sooo, I've been doing some thinking (uh-oh, I know) and of course it's no news that I'm completely 100% sick of North Wales, being stuck here and not being old enough to do anything about it. BUT! I've had a good chat with myself and decided I'm not gonna let this get me down. I'm not gonna give up. I have a future set for me in my head and I refuse to let it go.

I sometimes just sit back and watch my mum do her jazz around the house, cleaning, washing up, cooking and it just makes me so determined to not have that life. That's not me. That's not what I want. I'll never be a housewife, I'm made for bigger and better things and something as fucking shitty as Prestatyn is not going to stop me from getting that.

I will not be stuck here for the rest of my life. I will not become a 'mum'. I'm going to have a reckless, crazy life for now and then I'm going to replace my trilbies and bowlers for a hard-headed business hat and I'm gonna focus on my career (Keeping a flower or two on the business hat though, of course :P) I will be that tour manager. I will travel in a shitty van with no money or food. I will live in a fucking crazily fucked up lifestyle with a bunch of people who just wanna make music. I will help make that happen. I will work my arse off, I will beg and grovel until someone gets sick of me and throws a shitty job my way to just shut me up. I will work for nothing. I will only work the fact that I want this. And I will get it.

I've realised that I can slam my head against the rough wood of this table a thousand times over, I can flail my arms about in frustration as many times as I like but it's not gonna make a difference. Ever. I have to get up and go and make a difference for myself, I have to try everything & anything to be the best I can be. I will grit my teeth and if it gets hard, I'll scream through them, but I will never give up.

If anyone has ever taught me anything, it's that we have to do what makes us happy, because no one else will. The world isn't a nice little place, it's fucking tough and people don't give a shit. People look to drag you down. I won't give them that chance. FEARLESS, after all, is what I've been taught to be.

Much love and peace.
Natalie.
♥