So, I haven't posted in a while. I don't really go online much anymore what with college work and other things taking up my time. I have come to realise that I've spent the past year not really living. I went to college, got out of Prestatyn, met new people and fell in love. But when I reflect back, it's all so menial. I mean, I'm still living in the same place, doing the same things with the same people. There's only so many times I can go out and get wasted before it gets boring as well.
I don't look after myself properly anymore - something I wholly regret. I don't go to the gym. I don't go to pilates or salsa aerobics. I don't meditate anymore. I don't dream anymore. I don't listen to music as much anymore - because I'm growing up. I'm becoming part of the machine that is expected of me. I don't want to be part of the machine. I want to be Natalie again. I miss my alone time. I miss days where I would wake up and meditate, go to the gym and spend the day for me.
I wouldn't give up the life I have now but I wouldn't necessarily argue that I'm happier in either life. I love my boyfriend. More than anything. But I don't want to lose myself in this relationship. A year has passed and I'm beginning to realise that I miss me.
College is tough especially when I have to make time in the week for my boyfriend, my dad, my mum, my sister and my friends - where do I fit in? If I get a night alone I usually have work that needs to be done, essays and such.
Luckily, all the things I miss are not impossible to begin again. I need to juggle my time more. I need to find /make even 10 minutes in the day just for me.
Because I miss that.
And I want me back.
And I want me back.
